I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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