Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
