I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Terrible idea I love it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
