I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
