good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
