Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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