So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
