Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
