Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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