There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
