burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A+ Viking dick
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
