woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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