Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
