I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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