once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
