Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
time to smoke my breakfast
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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