well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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