I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
