Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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