can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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