all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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