Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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