Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
