Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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