I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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