my mouth tastes like poor choices
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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