and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
