I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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