And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
