he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
