hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
