apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
