My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
