I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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