I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
