why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
