Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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