well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
