Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
