Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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