just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
