my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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