Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I need to stop coming to work sober
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
