Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
