i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
