never play flip cup with pint glasses
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
