my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish you could order shots online.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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