Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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