I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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