You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
